Don't Mess With Taxes

IRS says financier owes $226 million

Time for a break from AIG anger. Let's all direct a bit of our outrage at investment firm exec Robert Allen Stanford.

You remember my fellow Texan. He's the guy who allegedly committed, as the Securities and Exchange Commission put it, "massive, ongoing fraud" in the form of an investment scheme that centered an $8 billion certificate of deposit program.

Back in February, the SEC charged the man from Mexia and three of his companies -- the Antiguan-based Stanford International Bank, the Houston-based broker-dealer and investment adviser Stanford Group Company, and investment adviser Stanford Capital Management -- with orchestrating the fraud.

SEC officials, in that fun way the feds have when they think they have the goods on someone, called Stanford's actions "a fraud of shocking magnitude that has spread its tentacles throughout the world."

Well now the IRS is getting in on the act.

IRS seeking unpaid taxes: The IRS has filed a motion to intervene as a creditor in the SEC case. The tax agency is seeking more than $226 million in unpaid taxes. That total breaks out as $110 million in the overdue taxes, $55.8 million in penalties and $60.7 million in interest charges.

The $226-plus million covers tax years 1999 to 2003. However, the IRS also wants Stanford to be forced to file a tax return for 2007. What might be due from that year is unknown, since  without any filed forms, the IRS can't compute exactly what Stanford owes the U.S. Treasury from two years ago.

Stanford's companies are not part of the IRS motion. The tax collector is focusing instead on the personal taxes of Stanford and his wife, Susan, with whom he filed joint returns for the years in question.

Marital tax matters: Please pardon a quick digression here as I wonder, just as I did in the Bernie Madoff Ponzi scheme, exactly what, when and how much the dear wifey knew.

And I'd be horribly remiss if I didn't remind all spouses to remember that, in the spirit of your wedding vows, your signature on a joint Form 1040 entitles you to the tax better of refunds and the tax worse of IRS audits.

Why the piggyback tax action? You might be wondering why the IRS decided to get involved in the SEC legal proceedings instead of just going after Stanford on its own. Or maybe you have a life and don't really care about the legal intricacies!

Either way, I'll share what I learned.

According to the tax publication Tax Analysts, the IRS had to file the motion to intervene because the district court's receivership order "enjoined all creditors from commencing or continuing any proceeding against the defendants."

But the IRS filing cites Section 7421, which states that "no suit for the purpose of restraining the assessment or collection of any tax shall be maintained in any court by any person, whether or not such person is the person against whom such tax was assessed."

Some questions of my own: While Stanford's alleged investment fraud and tax evasion is noteworthy, I have a few nonfinancial questions I'd like answered.

I find it amazing and intriguing that a guy from the tiny (pop. 6,533) Central Texas town of Mexia could be so interested in the arcane sport of cricket.

Stanford bankrolled a cricket competition in the West Indies last year and has contributed millions of dollars to the West Indies Cricket Board.

I'm from a small West Texas burg myself, and I have a lot of interests that baffle some of my family and friends. But cricket? Really? I'd love to hear his tale of why and how in the heck he picked up on this sport

Maybe Stanford will get the chance to organize the prison cricket team. Any film makers interested (using, of course, state film tax credits) in rights to -- and the editing of! -- The Longest Wicket?

Cricket wicket keeper photo courtesy Gareth Owen (Wikipedia)

Free Tom!

Actually, it was May (pictured there at right with Dubya) and Flower who were pardoned, if not actually freed, this year in the annual pre-Thanksgiving event at the White House.

Every year, representatives of the National Turkey Federation and the farmer who donates the turkey (or, this year, turkeys) join the President in the White House Rose Garden.

The prez gives his "happy holiday" talk and pardons the birds for the assembled photographers and TV cameramen.

You can read about this year's ceremony here. That page has more pictures, as well as audio and video links if you're already that bored this Thanksgiving day!

Since the turkeys that are reprieved each year are farm raised, I thought I'd share some shots of some truly free turkeys. Here are some of the wild turkeys the hubby and I happened upon when we were in the Big Bend region last month.

To the left is one of the braver birds. He wandered away from his buddies and posed briefly.

And here's the full flock feeding in a field just south of Marathon.

White House photo by Chris Greenberg;
Wild turkey photos by moi!

Hello … hello … hello from Santa Elena Canyon

That headline is my admittedly weak attempt to textually relate an echo. Why? Because when we were in the canyon below yesterday, the echo effect was great.

That's Santa Elena Canyon, in the far southwest section of Big Bend National Park. The wall to the right is Texas; to the left, Mexico.

The terrain here along the Rio Grande River is nice and flat, unlike the place up-river where we stopped on Thursday when were driving to the park. There the bank fell off about 10 inches, but I was determined to put my toes into the waters dividing Mexico and the United States.

I don't have any pictures of that because the hubby, who's lived with my clumsiness for 25-plus years, uttered these words of encouragement: "If you start to fall, toss me the camera."

Instead, I gave it to him before venturing a few steps into the river. And while both of us stepped into the Rio Grande at Santa Elena, I didn't take any shots because (a) we both had hiking boots on and (b) to be honest, I was so impressed with the canyon, I forgot.

The reason we had the boots on was because, as this next shot shows, we walked the canyon trail. It's a bit steep, but as you can see from this shot, well worth it.

After resting for about half an hour, we headed down. And this final photo is looking back at Santa Elena from a few miles out.

I'm sore today. My minimal walking of our own hilly neighborhood in suburban Austin was not an effective training regimen for the many grand canyons of the Big Bend (we walked into another, much smaller, one formed by volcanic ash; photos of that to come next week).

But a few aching muscles is a very small price for such vistas.

Vacation money tip: Whenever possible, the hubby and I stay at hotels that have mini fridges in them. That's the case here at the Chisos Mountain Lodge.

Then we buy a gallon of milk and a box of cereal and, voila!, breakfast for the two of us for the week costs us around $10.

If we'd eaten in a restaurant, that ten spot would have covered the day's first meal for just one of us … and for just one day!

Telephone tax scammers are back

Tax scammers are starting to crawl out of the woodwork on a distressingly regular schedule.

Back in September, we had tax phishers (blogged about here), looking to hook unsuspecting taxpayers with the lure of false refunds.

A month earlier, we had con artists calling folks with promises of cash if they'd just answer a "survey." Details on that scam blogged here.

Well, for October we are back to the phones, with multiple scams being reported in Oklahoma and Arkansas.

First, let's look at the attempts to swindle Sooner State residents, primarily residents in the central and northeastern parts of the state that suffered flooding earlier this year. The scummers, er, scammers pretend to be IRS agents and tell folks that they are entitled to $12,000 in federal financial assistance to help with recovery from the disaster.

Of course, the "agent" needs the taxpayer's bank account number, supposedly to facilitate deposit of the funds.

Across the border in Arkansas, specifically the Ft. Smith area, residents also have gotten calls from individuals purporting to be IRS agents. In fact, say the agency, they've even identified themselves by using the names of actual IRS employees.

In one Arkansas case, the caller told a taxpayer he was entitled to a $500 refund because he she had paid taxes on time each year. Oh, yeah. I remember seeing that tax credit for being loyal filer!

Another scammer told a taxpayer he was entitled to a $300 refund a month for six months. Again, to get the cash, the taxpayer just needed to divulge his Social Security number and bank account number so the "agent" could make the deposit.

So far, the IRS has not heard of any taxpayers who have been taken in by these scams. Let's hope it stays that way.

But mark your calendar. I'm sure another con attempt will show up come November.

A quick note from the road: We're in beautiful downtown Marfa today, but before we hit the galleries, I took advantage of El Paisano's wireless connection to check e-mail (so my box wouldn't explode before we got back home!).

And what do I find but this note (misspellings and all) from a fake IRS phisher. I particularly love the copyright line.

After the last annual calculations of your fiscal activity we have determined that you are eligible to receive a tax refund of $109.30. Please submit the tax refund request and allow us 3-6 days in order to process it.

A refund can be delayed for a variety of reasons. For example submitting invalid records or applying after the deadline.

To access the form for your tax refund, please click here

Note: For security reasons, we will record your ip-adress, the date and time.
Deliberate wrong inputs will be persecuted by law.

Regards,
Internal Revenue Service
©Copyright 2007, Internal Revenue Service U.S.A.

Yep, tax scam season never ends.

Kermit: Star of hot new TV show!

No, not the frog. My hometown. The cheerleader who was saved so that the world could be saved is from Kermit, Texas!

It was just too personally freaky to be watching the already freaky NBC show "Heroes" last night and see Claire, the indestructible cheerleader, discover that she was born in my hometown.

It gets better. Her birth mom still lives there. If only my cousin and I had known when we rolled through Kermit last summer!

Apparently, no one in the town knew what was coming. There was no buzz. Everyone in my small West Texas burgh was still basking in the glow of having Kermit the Frog come through on his birthday tour a year earlier.

Yep, Texas, and West Texas in particular, are hot TV properties this viewing season.

I was already cracking up that Claire lived in Odessa. It's about 45 miles east of Kermit and was the "big city" we used to drive to in order to see first-run movies when I was a kid.

Up until last night, I thought the goofiest thing about part of the series being set in part of my old stomping grounds was the fact that it obviously was not actually shot there. Almost all of the program's exterior shots of the Permian Basin include hilly terrain. There ain't no hills in the area, folks, unless you're talking the sand hills that blow across the road like in this photo.

Even better, in one episode, a body was dumped in a river. Lots of dry draws, but nope, no rivers out there either.

But it was fine. It's only TV and the hubby and I were getting a kick out of the choice of Odessa as home for one of the key characters. Then Hiro, the hottest Hero, heads to Midland, just the other side of Odessa, and hooks up with a café waitress. And Peter, whom Hiro instructed to save the cheerleader, also headed to West Texas to protect Claire.

And now we're in Kermit, or at least it looks like we will be next week when Claire presumably will hit the Kermit Highway to meet her real mom. Too, too funny.

Other West Texas TV connections: You can watch last night's Heroes episode ("The Fix") online for a short time at NBC Rewind. The Kermit reference shows up at the start of part four.

NBC has a real love affair going with Texas this season.

The network's high school football show "Friday Night Lights" is based on the nonfiction book of the same name about the Odessa Permian High School team. TV folk have relocated the story to the Austin area, but at least it's still in the state.

And an episode of the CBS show "Criminal Minds" had that show's Behavioral Analysis Unit tracking down a serial killer in Ozona, the small West Texas town where my parents went through a flood (recounted here) when they were newly married.

Yes, there's a tax connection: A couple in fact. Let's start first with Claire. Since she's indestructible, even literally coming back from dead earlier this season, she and her family don't have to worry about medical costs.

The rest of us, however, know how expensive doctors can be. You might be able to get some tax help by itemizing your medical expenses. The main thing to keep in mind is that they have to come to more than 7.5 percent of your adjusted gross income before your can deduct them. This story offers some tips on how to get the most tax value out of your medical expenses.

And on the corporate side, Texas has been losing a lot of film and TV production money to other states of late, primarily because the neighboring jurisdictions are offering better tax breaks to movie makers et al. In Louisiana, tax credits equal to 25 percent of all in-state spending go to filmmakers and 35 percent of the payroll must be Louisiana residents. New Mexico offers refunds equal to 25 percent of in-state spending, including payroll, according to the Texas Film Commission.

For seven years, Austin has been listed among the top U.S. cities for movie making by MovieMaker Magazine. But in 2006, Austin dropped from second to third, behind New York and Philadelphia.

Now state officials are pushing for a $20 million incentive plan this legislative session to keep cameras rolling and film crews rolling into the Lone Star State.

Then maybe we could get "Heroes" to actually film the real Permian Basin landscape!

Think globally, deduct locally

If you plan on taking advantage of the federal tax credits for energy-efficient home improvements, or even if you don't, check with your state and local tax officials, too. They also might have some tax breaks in this area.

The clickable map at the Database for State Incentives for Renewables and Efficiencies (DSIRE) is a good place to start. I just learned that Texas allows homeowners a property tax exemption in connection with solar or wind powered energy systems added to a residence.

Wow, so if I can come up with a more personal size wind turbine (like those above my cousin and I saw outside of Fort Stockton when we were on our West Texas jaunt), I can cut our property tax bill even more? Cool!

And if you're looking for even more federal savings, tax and otherwise, the DSIRE site also has a mini-map icon that'll take you to a list of financial incentives, offered by several U.S. agencies, that promote renewable energy and energy efficiency.

Rock on, Roy

I'm not a big fan of what passes today for country music, especially the commercially glossy productions that regularly come out of Nashville. Part of my disconnect is musical, part is the process.

Sure, many Texas musicians have had success in Tennessee. But just as many have been overlooked or ill-served by the ruling country music machine. The distinctive and far-superior Texas sound that I love so is definitely down home, but not country according to many music label definitions.

And that difference poses a major problem for some fellow Lone Star Staters when they deal with corporate reps in Music City. If a song or a sound can't be comfortably plugged into a ready-to-sell package, the suits have no use for it.

Taking note of a talented Texan: On Sunday, though, I did look east to Nashville, as officials there inducted the inaugural group of music stars into the new Music City Walk of Fame.

Why do I care? Because I have an actual, personal connection to one of the inductees, Roy Orbison.

I grew up in Kermit, just a few miles from Wink, where Roy spent much of his youth. And one of my uncles (OK, uncle-in-law; OK, now ex uncle-in law, but he's my cousins' dad so it still counts) grew up in Wink with Roy and played in his first band, the Wink Westerners.

When my cousin and I revisited our West Texas roots this summer, we naturally stopped by Wink. It's a tiny town and in putting together our itinerary, I had joked that we'd probably just drive through unless the town had a Roy Orbison museum.

Hometown recognition of Roy: The joke turned out to be on me. As we drove down the main street, there it was. So we stopped, only to discover that entry was "by appointment only."

It turned out that the place wasn't that fancy, just that it was operated by a group of retirees who didn't want to spend all their days sitting around waiting for the occasional visitor.

They did, however, post their names and phone numbers on the door. So my cousin, Kathy, started calling. Two no answers, but the third person picked up. After Kathy explained our uncle's (and therefore our) connection to Roy, she headed down to open up the place.

It's a small facility, just two rooms, but it has a decent collection of memorabilia considering that it's a part-time operation. There are lots of early recordings, one of Roy's high school yearbooks for which he created illustrations and the piece de resistance: a pair of his trademark horn rims.

The volunteer curator played us several of his songs, told us a few stories and put a stickpin in the world map mounted on one wall to record the distances visitors travel to see Roy's roots. It was pretty full already, with Roy fans from as far away as Russia. Austin was already represented, but Kansas got a new marker to acknowledge Kathy's visit.

We were most thrilled, though, to see a poster created from one of Roy's very early performance announcements. Smiling down from the wall behind the welcome desk was a large photo of the young Wink Westerners, including our bass-playing Uncle Charlie (known back then as Slob; kids and their nicknames), advertising their upcoming gig at a local dance.

Music vs. marriage: Unfortunately, our connection to music history is fleeting. Once my aunt and uncle married (as soon as she graduated high school), Slob gave up his spot in the band to get a "real" job so he could support his young bride.

But my aunt and uncle still stayed in touch with Roy and his family, even after their life choices took them to far different places. And my whole family felt a personal loss when Roy passed away in 1988.

If our uncle had not been so traditionally inclined, he could have been there when Roy's next band, the Teen Kings, had a minor hit in 1956 with "Ooby Dooby," one of the songs we got to hear at the museum.

Of course, most of the world identifies Roy with "Oh! Pretty Woman," its title shortened for the Roberts-Gere movie. I always liked that song, the growl especially, but Roy had many other hits that, once you hear them, will definitely make you go "Oh yeah! I remember that."

My favorites: "Only the Lonely," "Dream Baby," "You Got It" and "Crying."

Roy's legacy: In selecting Roy, already a member of the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame, as an inaugural Walk member, Nashville officials cited him as, "A founding father of rock and roll, [who] became one of the most distinctive voices in popular music with his four-octave range and lyrically sophisticated, rhythmically advanced songs. One of the original Sun Records artists alongside Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins and Elvis Presley, he moved to Nashville in 1960 and signed with Monument Records. Over four decades he created the soundtrack for millions of lives ... ."

You can find more details on Roy, the Walk and the other inductees in this press release. This brief article previewed today's ceremony.

A happy tax tune for songwriters: Included in a batch of new tax laws enacted in May (discussed here and here) is a break that's music to the ears of composers.

Beginning next year, songwriters will pay capital gains taxes instead of higher ordinary tax rates when they sell rights to their collected works. That's a potential tax rate cut of 20 percent, from the capital gains rate of 15 percent to the highest regular tax bracket of 35 percent.

In addition to making a literal monetary difference to composers, the new law also provides songwriters with a moral victory they say is long overdue. They now will get the same tax breaks as their producers, with whom many collaborate on songs.

Under current-until-Jan. 1, 2007 tax law, a producer with a 50 percent interest in a song's royalties would pay a 15 percent tax on the sale of the song. The writer, however, would face the much higher ordinary tax rates (up to 35 percent) on his or her half of the sold song.

Now everyone involved in the music can sing the same cheery song all the way to the bank.

Tallying our West Texas wanderings

It's been almost a week since my cousin and I rolled back into Austin. Today, I finally pulled together the vital statistics of our trip down memory lane.

The raw travel numbers:

• 1,470 miles
• 125 digital photos
• 17 bottles of water
• 6 days
• 5 nights
• 5 hotels
• 5 dinners
• 5 lunches
• 5 gas station stops
• 3 breakfasts
• Assorted admission fees and tourist tchotchkes
• 1 confirmation that you really can't go home again
• 1 realization that you can create new memories to enhance your earlier ones

Now to translate those figures into dollars.

Kathy and I split the costs, but not on a formal basis. Essentially, whoever chose the hotel paid for it. As for meals, if they weren't charged back to the room, whoever got to her credit card or cash first paid. We agreed that we'd total our shared expenses when we got home and then compare and reconcile, if necessary, any differences.

So below is my tally, which includes shared expenses, as well as what I paid for items for my personal use alone.

Hotels: Not surprisingly, this was the biggest expense, since three of our five nights were spent in historic or specialty accommodations -- Indian Lodge at Davis Mountains State Park; El Paisano, aka the movie "Giant" hotel, in Marfa; and Holland Hotel and microbrewery in Alpine. I got the Marfa and Alpine inns, as well as the chain motel room in Pecos.

My lodging total = $335.58

Meals: Rather than fall into the stereotypical, and annoying, category of "girls splitting restaurant bills," we had just one tab for each eating experience. A couple of breakfasts were "free" in that they were compliments of the hotel (Best Western in Pecos, Holland House in Alpine). A couple of times those initial meals were late morning, so they substituted for lunch. And dinners ranged from Sonic burgers to 10 times more expensive bon appetit cuisine.

My meals total = $122.52

Gasoline: The tune-up of my Cavalier must have worked, because I only have three gas receipts. I think Kathy paid for two more pump stops. Five gas stops for almost 1,500 miles. Not too shabby, especially when you consider that I probably didn't get the best mileage because I took advantage of the roadways in West Texas that allowed me to go 80 mph. Yes, dear hubby, the little Chevy goes that fast, and yes, Mum, I was careful!

My automotive total = $78.50

Miscellaneous: OK, I know that meticulous budgeters say to keep exact track of every expense. Not going to happen, my friend, on my vacation. I saved every receipt I got, but in a couple places there were no receipts and I just didn't bother to jot down the costs. I can tell you, though, that they were negligible, i.e., less than $5 apiece.

Sure, the give-up-your-latte school of savers say that every penny counts, but when I'm on vacation, I've already accepted that I'm spending money I normally wouldn't. Before I leave town, I know basically what the trip will cost and have set aside money to pay the credit cards in full when they arrive in a few weeks. If I can't afford a few extra dollars here and there along the way, I shouldn't be taking the vacation in the first place.

On our West Texas tour, these costs included the traditional trip mementos, such as T-shirts, mugs and books; admission fees to places like the Fort Davis national historic site, Law West of the Pecos Museum (page 4 of this brochure) and McDonald Observatory, whose massive Hobby-Eberly astronomical telescope is pictured here; along with the occasional refreshment or local souvenir.

My personal purchases total = $191.40

Yeah, that amount is more than I thought I was spending, so maybe I should have paid more attention during the trip. But in my defense, some of these items are going to be Christmas presents, so that's less that I'll have to spend in a couple of months.

Plus, one of those aforementioned refreshments was the Blue Bonnet Café pecan pie, well worth its $11 price. Good, fresh, crisp pecans atop a luscious Karo syrup and egg filling that wasn't overly sweet. The hubby and I already are planning a trip to Marble Falls to restock our pie larder.

So what's the final damage? Drum roll please: My grand total comes to $728 even, or around $121 a day. And it might be adjusted down a little bit after Kathy runs her numbers. Regardless, not bad for everything, including spending a week with my cuz.

The psychological cost of travel: You've all been on vacation. So you know that even when you take a must-needed and long-planned-for getaway, travel takes a toll.

The excitement of new places is often countered by the frustrations -- sometimes small, sometimes great -- of being away from your familiar surroundings.

And when you travel with your family, there's a whole other set of issues to contend with.

There's the amount of time itself. You're suddenly spending almost 24 hours a day together, away from the safety of home-honed habits.

Plus, you're now paying real money to spend all that time together. That just adds to the pressure to have a good time. Unfortunately, that expectation sometimes falls spectacularly short.

Well, I am very happy to report that Kathy and I had a very good time. At least I did. If she didn't, she needs to move to Hollywood immediately! During the whole trip, we didn't have one fight about what to do, when to do it, how to do it and how to pay for it.

I don't know if we're just incredibly compatible, patient, accommodating or lucky. Whatever the reason, we had a fun time together.

These kids today: But that doesn't mean we didn't pay a psychological price in our attempt to recapture our lost youth. The bill was presented to us early in our journey, in what used to be Kermit's Rexall pharmacy.

All those years ago in my small hometown, the drugstore was more than just a place to get your prescriptions filled. We bought our cosmetics there, as well as school supplies, greeting cards, even toys. Topping it off, the place had a soda fountain.

When I was in junior high, the school was just a few blocks from the drugstore. Since we were such grownup 6th, 7th and 8th graders, we were allowed to leave campus for lunch, so we sauntered down the street, settled into one of the drugstore's half dozen booths and enjoyed our tuna sandwiches and soda fountain Cherry Cokes.

Although Kathy wasn't part of my junior high lunch group, she fondly remembered those fountain Cokes with a splash of cherry, too. So we headed to the drugstore.

Now, however, it's Movies and More. Most of the space is dedicated to DVDs, but some school supplies are still there, some items looking like they were left over from my school days. They included ancient ledger books and ribbons for Corona Selectric electric typewriters.

Electric typewriters? Does anyone still use them? If so, they must have to go to Kermit to keep them running!

But at least the soda fountain and booths were still there. In fact, the place was doing a decent lunch business (hot dogs cooked in a crock pot was the day's special). We climbed up onto a couple of bar stools and ordered fountain Cherry Cokes.

"We don't do that anymore," said the young woman behind the counter. The look on her face and emphasis on "anymore" underscored her real thoughts: "Just how old are you anyway?"

We had to laugh. Sure, we were a little sad that we had to settle for a canned Coke, not even a canned Cherry Coke. But we knew before we headed west that we'd find a lot of changes.

And at least we had each other to commiserate with, along with the memories of what "real" Cherry Cokes taste like.

Travelogue epilogue: If you missed any of my West Texas trip reports, you can find them here. So far, I only have six entries (counting this one), but I suspect I'll be culling this journey for blog fodder for a while.

So stay tuned. You never know when a financial lesson from my old stomping grounds might show up!

The power of pie

My cousin Kathy and I pulled into the exurban edge of West Austin around 8 p.m. last night. We would have been home a bit sooner, but we had to make one last stop in Marble Falls at the Blue Bonnet Café.

The reason for delaying our return by about 20 minutes was simple: The Blue Bonnet's pie prowess.

The restaurant is "world famous" for its food, especially its wide dessert section, which is limited to pies.

I know what you're thinking. I'm in Texas and we Texans have been known to exaggerate now and again, but it is certifiably "Texas famous," so that's good enough by our standards.

However, the Blue Bonnet's Web site does list the national publications that have included the café's cuisine in their best-of lists (I'm not going to argue with "Road Food Magazine," are you?), as well as its diverse customer list. That's enough to qualify it for world renown in my book.

So it was a pie stop. One key bit of info you need when you drop by the Blue Bonnet: They don't take credit cards, so have your $11 plus tax for a full pie purchase in cash.

As for the pie itself, I got the traditional Texas pecan and Kathy picked up a lemon meringue. I'll let you know the results of my and the hubby's personal taste test when we dive into the dish.

Financial bites: In the next day or so, once I sort through and tally all my sales receipts, I'll also give you an accounting of the final cost of our trip. I also have to get Kathy's accounting of what she picked up so we can reconcile our expenditures and make sure neither of us overpaid our shared travel expenses.

But I will not -- repeat: NOT --  be providing any numbers on the pounds gained on our West Texas jaunt, pre- or post-Blue Bonnet pie!

We also took a few extra minutes to check out the view of Lake Marble Falls, essentially the stretch of the Colorado River between Lake LBJ and Lake Travis. The photo above is looking down river. The light was fading and it was a bit overcast, but it still was beautiful.

Out and about in Alpine

We're in Alpine today, but just for a little while longer. We rolled into this West Texas town -- Hub of the Big Bend, home of Sul Ross State University and creative hotbed with dozens of art and artisan galleries scattered about town -- on Sunday afternoon.

Unfortunately, all of the shops were closed when we got here. If I were truly paranoid, I'd think our husbands phoned ahead and pleaded with local merchants for a little economic pity in light of the stress we've already put on our respective family bank accounts with this trip.

Sorry, gentlemen, but since we have no firm timetable, Kathy and I are going to check out several of the galleries this morning before we head back to Austin. So be prepared!

To rest up for our vacation's final stages, in both shopping and driving, we stayed last night in yet another historic lodging, the Holland Hotel. It was built in 1928 and it is starting to show it's age, so the owners are doing some renovating. It really wasn't a bother, other than having to take the stairs since the elevator was out of commission.

Of course, that exercise probably was a good idea, especially after our Sunday night meal in the hotel's Edelweiss Restaurant. Yep, just like the song from "The Sound of Music."

As the name indicates, and you can see from the picture below, it's fashioned after a German beer hall and the specialties are, according to the menu, "Bavarian favorites." Kathy had spent some time in Germany, so she was a better judge than I of the schnitzels we ordered. Her verdict: not bad, but not precisely authentic.

All I can attest to is that the servings were definitely Texas-sized. And even though I ate way too much, I still left a good amount of Jaeger Schnitzel on my plate.

However, I downed every last drop of my dinner beverage. And what, you ask, was in that drained stein? A pint of the Edelweiss' own Texas Black Gold. It's one of four beers the establishment brews on premises under the Bavarian Purity Law of 1516, which the microbrewery says is still practiced "in its original form in Bavaria, Germany, and Alpine, Texas."

Here's the official description of Texas Black Gold:

A Bavarian dark lager. Malt and chocolate aroma. Light, refreshing malt in the mouth, dry to finish with some coffee notes. A little cloudy because it's unfiltered to keep the natural flavor, aroma and full body alive. Approximately 5.5% alcohol by volume. A must for dark beer lovers. Goes very well with rich food, steaks.

My official description of Texas Black Gold: Another glass, please.

There once was a guest from Austin...: In addition to having the only German restaurant and microbrewery in the Big Bend area, the Holland Hotel's unique style extends to guest room amenities. For example, the towels and washcloths are tied with ribbons to which small poems are attached.

You also get a set of complimentary earplugs to help you cope with the overnight runs of the Southern Pacific rattling along the rails just across the street. The verse that accompanied the foam stoppers: "We think our train is very quaint, but if ears it pains, plug 'em and it caint."

OK, not Walt Whitman, but sincere.

Historic and hysterical guests: An oversized, laminated sheet in the Holland lobby (pictured here) proudly details important events in the hotel's history. Some highlights:

• 1949 -- A writer rumored to be Jack Kerouac crashes at the Holland
• 1964 -- NASA Apollo program astronauts explore the area's geology
• 2002 -- Will Smith stays at the hotel, delighting a bevy of young fans who corner him by signing autographs for each of them

But the one that caught Kathy's and my eye:

• 1991 -- Tommy Lee Jones evicted from hotel penthouse for bad behavior.

Tommy Lee, we want you to know we are still among your biggest fans, despite your little run-in with the Holland Hotel's management. We're sure that you've matured immensely in the 15 years since that incident.

And if you ever find a local inn won't give you a room, you can always count on us for a place to bunk.